Stress and Fear

With my divorce hearing just over a week away, and all the added stress of planning a move across the country to the east cost, I’m really starting to feel the fear of it all. The divorce is pretty straight-forward, my wife and I are still friends, and have figured out everything, and put it all in the paperwork submitted to the courts. I’ve just never gone through something like this before and I’m worried the judge will somehow make it more complicated than either of us want it. I know I shouldn’t worry about that because it’s not something within my control, but sometimes the lizard brain won’t listen to the monkey brain no matter what.

The fundraiser to get my butt to North Carolina is going fantastically well, I’m really grateful and quite amazed at the generosity and support people are showing me as I plan for the next chapter of my life. While the planning of the trip is all but complete, I’m not able to make a single reservation or drive a single mile until I know everything here is taken care of. As the time frame between when that will happen, and when I’d hoped to leave get closer and closer, I feel the sense of urgency to add check marks to those boxes on my list.

I have a goal as to how much this adventure will cost, $700.

Since my wife asked for the divorce in February, I’ve really been avoiding dealing with any of the emotional and psychological impact it’s had on me. Sure, for about two weeks right after I’d cry a lot because that kind of wound really, really hurts, but now that my brain has overridden my heart, I’ve bottled all that up because this isn’t the place to deal with it. When I get to where I’m going, that’s when the true healing will take place. At first I thought all I’d have to do is remember who “single Pete” was and everything would be fine, but it’s not like that at all. Once you’re married, the “single you” is never there again. If you do happen to split up, the new solo version of you is “divorced you”, and that’s a different person, and one who you won’t know much about upon first meeting them.

I don’t mind telling you that the idea of having to figure out just who the hell I am all over again, at 39, terrifies me. I absolutely understand that there is an opportunity here to help define this new me, this is just something for which I never asked, and was not prepared to even think of taking on.

One of the ways I’m going to fight this stress and fear, is by making the journey to where the new me will live into an adventure. I have a goal as to how much this adventure will cost, $700. That includes fuel (for which the price is starting it’s summer climb already), safe place to sleep, and two, maybe even three meals per day for the three days I’ll be on the road. I’m going to use every trick I know to maximize and stretch every dollar, and have been reading up on how to best utilize to low-bid for hotel rooms, and other clever ways to make this work better.

If you’d like to help me out, please donate what you can (blue button on the left), there’s not preset levels, so you can either buy me a hotel room for the night (about $100), a tank of gas (about $40), or a meal (about $10). If you can’t or don’t want to donate, I understand, but share my story so other who may want to can do so. I also welcome any advice on making this money go further, like the idea (Thanks Chris Guillebeau!)


Peter is an artist solopreneur. He's interested generally in history, art and design, and science and technology. On this personal blog, he writes opinion pieces on a myriad of topics.

One thought on “Stress and Fear

  • 10May14 at 18:20

    I know it will not be easy on you after your divorce but I wish you many new adventures and the meeting of new friends and who ever may come along in the future. When I seperated in 2002 I thought it was dooms day…. Nope it turned out to be the best thing. My first Month I had my stuff in storage and lived in my car with my cat and the ever so stinky litter box. I had just lost my job too and was living in ticonderoga when he left so after the month of living in my car in Glensfalls I managed to get a job and was able to get a hotel that I paid for by the week. Food Wth was that LOL between the hotel, gas for the car and car insurance I barely had anything left. I had this huge jar with change in it when my husband left and I remember thinking oh no I spent money on bread or eggs and I sure hope my change well don’t run dry. I lived there for 5 months and I would go to price chooper and hurry and stuff the free bread and butter pieces in my mouth and I would go around to the samples the ladies gave out and that was usually dinner. I ate a lot of eggs as I could get 12 days of 1 egg and toast for dinner when I got done work. Any way I think you will do fine with a nice place to at your mums. Things will come together. I even met Angel at my job at the laundry mat I worked 1 month after I finally got my own apartment 🙂 Positive thoughts for you both…

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